You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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