i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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