Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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