My hand turned me down
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
