I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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