I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he was CRYING into my vagina
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
