oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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