I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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