I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
