I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize