I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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