Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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