He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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