Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
