You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
