yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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