The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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