just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
