Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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