I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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