Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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