I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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