I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
