The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
