my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Help. Why am I so naked?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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