K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize