Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
