i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
