I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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