@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
