dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
