I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
