the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just found puke in my bra..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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