can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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