Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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