Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Panties = found
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
