I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
