I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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