My girlfriend figured out who you are.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
