need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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