Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
