You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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