Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
