I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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