Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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