i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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