Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
