i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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