I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
