You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
