Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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