how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
