Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize