No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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