apparently the secret to your success is patron
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
