Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
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Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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