I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
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We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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