I accidentally burped into my bong.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
