i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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