just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
