Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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