she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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