He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
