Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
