i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
