Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
honey bunches of taint.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
