I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
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This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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