Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
