if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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