I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
