if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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